I didn't think it was possible...

Dear Aidan,

I think you caught another cold because you are not getting better, but worse. You were at your worst today because you kept sneezing and tons of snot came out each time. Plus, you were so lethargic. I checked your temperature, but luckily you didn't have a fever. I'm worried about you. I want you to be healthy again.

Daddy and I were talking about your daycare tonight while you were playing in your playroom and he mentioned that I should give the daycare your bad clothes as emergency extras. He asked if you had any 'bad' clothes. I said that I found a pair of nasty pants while I was organizing your dresser. It was something that we got from your Vancouver grandparent's friend's in Korea while they were visiting in November. It might've actually been from your relatives there... Anyways, it's a pair of fake jeans in white. It's not even made out of denim material, but a stretchy, cotton blend. It has drawn-on pockets at the back and it's so tight that it makes your butt look really bootylicious. Ha! Daddy and I had a good chuckle while we put it on you. You kept stumbling because I think they were too tight on you.

I lied

Dear Aidan,

Remember when I said you were good yesterday? Well, I lied. You woke up so many times last night and basically long story short mommy got zero sleep. Daddy also yelled at mommy in the middle of the night while I was soothing you because I think he thought what I was doing wasn't working. He denies saying that, but I was really angry with him. For someone to criticize when they aren't helping is just a J-E-R-K! It's really not fair being a mom because it's always a lose lose situation. Well for me that is. Daddy always give me guilt trips saying stuff like, 'How can you leave us?' or 'We're a team!' I do EVERYTHING for you. On nights where daddy puts you to sleep (which is like never) I change your diaper, feed you, put your sleep sack on, turn on the humidifier, turn on your baby monitor, and turn on your sleep music. All daddy has to do is put you to sleep. On nights when I put you to sleep I do all of the things above. Even when we go somewhere daddy can help me a bit by dressing you and feeding you so that I can do other stuff- like pack your diaper bag, but nothing. Well, that's not completely true because he started helping a little, but it's only when I tell him to do something. I got so fed up today that I told daddy that I wasn't helping him. Surprise surprise he gave me the 'We're a team!' crap. It's not that I don't love you and care about you it's just that I'm sick and tired of doing everything. It would be nice to hear words of encouragement now and then, but I get NOTHING! ARGH. So annoyed.

I took you to the doctors again today. This time I wanted to make sure you got your 1 year shots because last week the doctor wouldn't give it to you because you had a cold. Well, you are still sick, but I didn't want to come again next week. I had to wait an hour to actually see him. That was hard. Well, you are now 9.1 kg (20.06 lbs), 79 cm in length, and 46 cm in head circumference. According to your doctor you are average.

There is light at the end of the tunnel

Dear Aidan,

What a transformation from yesterday to today. I expected you to be cranky and whiny when I got home, but you were so good. I think you are finally getting over your cold. Hurrah! You didn't cry at all today and you even smiled a few times. Don't get me wrong, you are still sick, but you are returning to your old self. Daddy even said that he is retracting his comment about not having any more kids. Yes!

Separation anxiety

Dear Aidan,

I feel extremely guilty these days. I come home around 6:30pm (or even later) and you are always in a foul mood. The minute you see me you start wanting to be held by me and it becomes even more difficult as the night falls. If I put you down even for a second you start freaking out. I'm not sure if it's because you are sick or it's because you seek out my attention since you don't see me anymore, but it totally breaks my heart. Today I tried putting you down in your playroom and you started crying like crazy. While you were crying you crawled to me and put your head to my chest. You even went as far as to try to climb me (so that I will hold you). It was disturbing. I went to the other side of the room and you were chasing me to try to get me to hold you. As I put you to sleep you were holding onto me so tightly. I had tears in my eyes as I witnessed this. I'm so sorry! I want to be with you too. I miss seeing you change every day. I wonder what you are up to and if you are having a good day or a bad day. I love you sweetie.

The photos says it all...

Dear Aidan,

You woke up crying at 3:30am. I tried putting you to sleep with us, but you were crying like you were in pain. I then tried feeding you homo milk. I thought you were better, but you were still squirmish and cranky in our bed. You were rolling around in our bed for a good hour. It got so bad to the point that daddy yelled at you. He denies ever doing that, but he knows better. You started screaming and crying when daddy yelled at you. I had to pat you to soothe you. I think you cried so much that you had so much snot in your nose. We had to get up and vacuum your nose. You didn't like that one bit. Eventually you fell asleep at 5:30am. However, I had to wake you up again at 6:30am to get you ready for daycare. Both daddy and I were zombies today because we hardly got any sleep. Mommy went to work with mismatched clothes and I forgot my wallet at home.

When I got home you were in a foul mood. You kept wanting to be held by me. I don't know if you're acting this way because you are sick or if you have separation anxiety, but it's really exhausting to be around you. Every time I put you down you started throwing a fit. I'm just hoping that once you feel better this behaviour will disappear as well. This is not the boy I know! You were an angel before...

I'm still a little delirious because I haven't slept much. I think I need to call it an early night.

Worst kid ever?

Dear Aidan,

What another painful day. I was feeling worse than yesterday so really I didn't have the energy to deal with all your whining and crying. However, when your Toronto grandparents came over in the afternoon you were a little angel. Two face! Anyways, it was such a nightmare putting you to sleep. Every time you dozed off and I put you in your crib you started crying like crazy. Daddy tried several times with no luck. We even let you cry it out for a bit, but it didn't work. I got so annoyed that I yelled at you and you started crying louder. Daddy scolded me for that. Sorry. Daddy was so frustrated with you that he called you the worst kid ever. He said (and I quote), "Asher and other kids aren't like this. He (meaning you) is such a bad kid..." But what really upset me was the way daddy said it. He made it sound like I was at fault for that. He was saying how you were raised wrong, blah blah blah. Whatever. All I know is daddy is a very particular sleeper. I think you get that from him.

Where did daddy go wrong?

Dear Aidan,

That's the question daddy was saying to himself all night long. You were an absolute terror today. I don't know if it's because you were sick, but you were so whiny and you cried A LOT. Daddy was so frustrated with your behaviour that he went as far as to say that you were the worst baby that he ever saw and that he doesn't want any more kids. I'm not sure why you started acting this way all of a sudden so I'm hoping that it's because you are sick. Every time I took something out of your hands you threw a big fit. It was so difficult when I put you in Mustard Seed today at church. I think everyone was surprised at your behaviour because normally you are really good. I think it's the first time anyone ever saw you cry. It was really difficult for daddy and I because we both caught your cold. Even as I am writing this I'm a little delirious and dizzy. I think I have to go straight to bed after this post.

I tried feeding you food in a plate. I made fish sticks, boiled eggs, and mac and cheese. You spit everything out and threw everything on the floor. Then you threw a temper tantrum. It was a hard day...