It's gone…

The pediatric dentist couldn't save your teeth…

I was a nervous wreck all morning because I knew there was little hope in saving your teeth. I know they are baby teeth and that your permanent teeth will eventually grow out, but what upsets me is that you won't be getting your permanent teeth for 3 years! People used to always say how handsome you are, but I feel it's all ruined now! Maybe I'm being punished for thinking so highly of your looks… Your picture day at school will now capture you with missing teeth and that's something you can't ever get back.

I took a video this morning of you showing me your damaged teeth :-(

We went to your pediatric dentist at 1:30pm and there was another girl getting her teeth pulled out. I think hers was due to rotten teeth because she ate too much candy, but I felt a little reassured that kids are kids and these things happen. 

Your dentist was super nice and she was so sympathetic to me. I even started crying at one point while talking to her, but she just listened and assured me that everything was going to be okay. When she examined you, she told me that the best was to remove your 2 front teeth. She said leaving it would cause infections. She asked me how you were with needles because she needed to freeze your gums, and I told her you were pretty good about it. And you were good! You flinched a little near the end, but all in all you were good. She said the pulling of the teeth was going to be uncomfortable for you because of the pressure so she told me to hold you down so you couldn't move. That was just painful to do. Yes, your gums were numb, but you still screamed a blood curdling scream because of the pressure. I just started tearing up again because you lost those beautiful teeth.

I decided to take you to the mall afterwards to get you a pair of really nice boots (with good grip) because I felt partly at fault for not noticing that your boots had worn out. On the way to the mall, I got a call from one of your daycare teachers asking how you were doing. I had calmed down a lot from the day before so I was really appreciative that she called me to check up on you. She told me that she couldn't sleep because she was so beside herself for what had happened. That really made me feel better. I told her it wasn't her fault and that it was just an unfortunate accident. 

At the mall, you kept checking your reflection on the mirror because I think you found it funny that you looked a little different with no front teeth. I felt so badly every time I saw you that I bought you a graphic shirt (Toy Story) and an Avengers lunch box. I even treated  you to vanilla ice cream- your favourite!

I had taken a few vacation days off leading up to the holidays where I had planned on getting my hair done and meeting friends, but now I'm not so sure. I don't feel comfortable putting you back in daycare after your accident. I'm still on edge. I think I will have to cancel all my plans and just have you at home until you heal.

You in the dentist chair before your teeth extraction. You were watching Toy Story.

And here are your tooth saver treasure chests that your dentist put your teeth in. They told
me to put it under your pillow for the tooth fairy, but knowing you, you'll probably want to keep
the teeth so I decided not to show you your teeth.

The 2 perfect teeth that sadly fell off…

Shock and heart break

It's been such an emotional roller coaster today.

It started off the way it usually starts on a Monday- hectic. I was trying to get you out of the house to drop you off at daycare and because I was running late and you were more clingy than usual, I was annoyed. I yelled at you right before I dropped you off at school.

I was at a photo shoot today for work and round 10:30am I got a call from your daycare. Anytime they call me, I get nervous. I guess it's because anytime they call me, it's to tell me that you got hurt. This time, they told me that you had fallen outside while at recess and your mouth was bleeding. Apparently you were going to your friend, Mateo, and I guess you tripped on the slide and smashed your face on the concrete. I asked the teacher that I was talking to on the phone to check your teeth to see if your teeth were okay. She told me that she didn't know because there was a lot of blood, but that you were okay and they were just icing your mouth. I just recall that the whole time that we were talking, the thing that struck me was just how calm the teacher was. I don't know if it's because she didn't know the extent of your injury or that she didn't want me to freak out. Because of how calm she was, I didn't know how badly injured you were. I told the teacher I would call back in an hour during my lunch break to check up on you again. When I called back, I asked them how you were doing and they said you were doing well and that you were eating eating (soup). I asked them to check your teeth again (I guess they didn't check it since I last spoke!) and they asked me, "Are Aidan's teeth crooked?" Immediately I said, "No!" I started panicking at this point because they were telling me that I might have to take you to the dentist. I told them I couldn't leave at that moment because I was in the middle of a shoot, but that I would come as soon as I could. Even then, I didn't hear a sense of worry from the teacher about your condition. Honestly, I didn't think your accident was that bad, judging from what they were telling me. When I was finally able to get away (around 3pm) I just rushed out of the shoot to go to you. It took me just over an hour to get to your daycare and when I ran in, you were sitting on a chair. The first thing I noticed was that you were talking with a lisp. I asked you to open your mouth and I was shocked! Your 2 front teeth were jammed in and one tooth was chipped. Tears started welling in my eyes and I just started dressing you right away to leave. I was so furious. The daycare teachers started surrounding me and saying that I had to take you to the dentist. And their voice sounded really concerned- totally different than what they were before. I just felt that they were judging me for coming so late. I mean, it was them that made the situation feel lighter than it actually was! Then one of the teacher started telling me that Aidan's boots were really worn out on the sole and that several times he was on the verge of falling. Why didn't they tell me this before??? I just felt that they were trying to direct the blame back onto me. I just wanted to get the hell out of there. When I got you into the car, I was frantically calling your pediatric dentist to see if they could see you ASAP, but they weren't picking up. I eventually called my dentist to see if he could see you. Luckily he was able to. When my dentist saw you, he said you were probably going to lose 2 of your front teeth, but he didn't want to pull it out in case your pediatric dentist could do something to possibly save the teeth. He got his receptionist to keep calling your pediatric dentist to get them to see you for tomorrow and eventually she was able to get through to them. We will be seeing your pediatric dentist tomorrow at 1:30pm. By the time you got home you were famished. My dentist told me to just give you soup and soft foods so I made a big pot of chicken noodle soup and you ate 3 servings! When daddy got home, he was so angry! I had wrapped the daycare teachers' presents the day before and he told me not to give it to them. 

This experience has been a total nightmare. I just feel sick to my stomach because I know if you were home with me, this would have never happened. I just feel guilty that I wasn't able to prevent this from happening and that I wasn't able to leave work to see you right away. I'm sorry I was mad at you this morning. I'm just so sorry. So sorry…

At my dentist waiting for the dentist to examine your injured teeth. Even through this whole ordeal,
you were a trooper. You didn't even cry and several times you asked me why I was crying.

You were so hungry when we got home from the dentist that you had 3 bowls of soup! You don't
normally have a huge appetite so this really saddened and shocked me.

Too upset…

So you got bit on the face again. 

I got a call from daycare today saying that some kid bit you while you were holding a toy that they wanted. It is the protocol of the daycare to call the parents to let them know of any accidents that happen. I was so upset because I didn't know the extent of the mark. The last couple of times you were bit you were left with a scar on your face. I know these things happen with daycare, but I just feel so bad that you have to fend for yourself at such a young age.

When you came home there were 2 red marks on your right cheek. It looks like it's going to bruise in the next couple of days. Apparently some kid named Aaron did that to you. Or so you say…

You don't seem to upset by it though.

Presents under the Christmas tree

This year we are going to wrap all the presents that you and Kendall get for Christmas and put it all under the tree. You were too young last year to really understand what was going on, but this year you seem to get it. Daddy asked me yesterday while I was at the mall to pick up a few small gifts for you to put under the Christmas tree. He wants you to see an abundance of gifts ready for you to open on Christmas day this year. Although I got 2 gifts for you yesterday (you will see what they are on Christmas) daddy also got a couple more gifts today. I was able to wrap them all tonight and put them under the tree. You will be getting lots more gifts in the coming weeks. As for Kendall we were thinking of getting her gifts, but I think she is too small to get toys and books. I know she will be getting gifts from her grandparents so I think that will be good enough for her.

The gifts under the tree.

So after mommy wrapped all the gifts and went down to the basement you had a little accident. You peed in your pants while you were playing on your play mat. Daddy had to clean up all your pee that seeped underneath and mommy had to take apart the whole play mat and clean it one by one! We were not impressed…

My lil ung-ga

Lately I've been calling you 'ung-ga.' I'm not sure if there is a meaning for it in Korean or it's just a word my mom made up, but I remember my mom saying that to us when we were younger. I think it's just a word of endearment. Because I call that to you every time I see you Aidan's been calling you that when he sees you too now.

So how did you get those 3 marks on your face? They are actually 3 small scabs that formed after you scratched your face with your nails. You are so active and sometimes a little violent when you eat/sleep- punching me and rubbing your face that I think that's how you got those marks.

Here's a video of you smiling at mommy. Lately you've been smiling at me whenever you see me. I think you know who I am.

Such a drama king

While we were in Vancouver back in April you had a little accident while you were playing and you scraped your right leg and your left hand. However, being the drama king that you are you still show your leg/hand even though most of the boo boo have healed. You stick out your palm and make mommy kiss it and I have to always look so concerned because you act like it's really painful. Last Saturday morning you came into mommy's room and I noticed your face was a little blotchy. I was asking what happened to your face and that's when you started showing mommy all your battle scars. What a little drama king you are…

Battle scars

I got a call from daycare while going into work today. Diane, your daycare teacher, said that you got bitten under your eye by another toddler. Apparently you wanted these flash cards that another toddler was holding and when you grabbed it from them they got angry and bit you. I was so shocked and worried when Diane told me that. I know these things happen and kids will be kids, but I'm still very upset. I was even more upset when I came home and saw your face. You looked like you got beaten up pretty badly!

I wanted to get mad at the daycare, but I know that it isn't totally the other kid's fault. I've seen you try to grab things from other kids at church. I'm not saying what you are doing is totally wrong and bad, but I can see why the daycare kid got mad. Ugh.

The boy with a more clothes than a girl...

Dear Aidan,

Boy, I noticed that you have A LOT of clothes. I'm pretty sure you have more clothes than daddy and you aren't even 2 yet! Today, you got even more clothes in the mail. Auntie Jane sent you 2 new winter jackets. Yesterday you got a button-down shirt, a vest, and a sweater from your Toronto grandparents. Sheesh, can I get some of that???

The jacket is huge on you because it's a size 3. You looked so small in that jacket.

We tried putting you in the 2nd jacket, but you were not having it. I think you have entered your Terrible Two stage right now. You tend to throw fits now and then when you aren't happy about something. In this case- putting on a winter jacket.

Look at that bad temper!

You landed smack on your forehead on the hardwood. That's your fault! Usually, though, you snap your head backwards. It's scary because I'm always afraid you are going to get hurt.

Wah, wah. Life is so hard when you're Aidan Kim...

Both jackets were from Gap. I guess Auntie Jane ordered it online and sent it directly to us. The invoice had a note from her- "To my handsome nephew Aidan. Merry Christmas!!! Love Auntie Jane & Coco".

You were more interested in playing with the invoice papers than your gifts.

Uh oh, looks like someone's hungry.

Munch munch.

It's not as tasty as your bbong twi gi (rice rusks), is it?

You look disgusted.

You just threw the paper away in disgust.

How can I say no to a face like that???

Bad day

Dear Aidan,

It's really hard for me to write this right now because I am beyond upset. I'm upset because you are so sick and I can't do what a mother should do and take care of you. The daycare called me around noon to tell me that you had a fever of 101 and that I needed to pick you up ASAP. When I told the daycare teacher that the earliest I could get there would be in an hour she was like, "You better hurry, he's really sick." Unfortunately I couldn't leave work because I am currently in production. I had to call daddy and tell him that he had to go pick you up. This is the 3rd time that daddy has picked you up. I'm so thankful that daddy could do this, but I'm also upset that I can't do it. I was so depressed that I almost cried at work. It was hard. Knowing that you were sick, but I couldn't do anything about it... Sigh.

Then when daddy picked you up he found out that you had a scratch on your face- again. He sent me this photo by text.

When I look at this photo I'm just so angry. Who would do this to you??? Especially when you are sick!

I took a screen capture of what daddy and I were texting when he sent me this photo:

Apparently you got in a fight with another kid in class and you tried to bite him. It's hard to believe because you are so not like that. I'm not trying to be like the blind mother that refuses to see their son the way that they are, but I've never seen you to be aggressive to anyone. Not even Rosco!

Tonight I had dinner plans with my high school friends, but I had to cancel because I wanted to rush home to see you. However, work was insane and I ended up leaving work at 8pm. By the time I got home you were already sleeping. I'm just so frustrated.

I'm sorry that I said yesterday how I was looking forward to Monday. I didn't mean it...

Daddy took tomorrow off (again) to take care of you. Hopefully you will break your fever.

Allergic reaction

Dear Aidan,

I think you have an allergy to eggs. Last time you broke out into hives when we had a dinner party with friends we weren't sure what you were allergic to. We suspected it was eggs because I had given you a bit of carbonara pasta that I had made. This time around I gave you scrambled eggs and the skin around your mouth turned all blotchy. Great. I don't know what this means, but I'm going to make sure I ask your doctor when we go in for your checkup on the 22nd.

Tonight I'm dropping you off in your Toronto grandparents' house because mommy has to go to a dinner party tonight. Daddy has to go to hockey so it was best if we left you with your grandparents. However, daddy is so scared to leave you there because they have this staircase leading to the basement that is pretty steep. Their house is all hardwood floors and now that you walk pretty fast it's an accident waiting to happen. I'm sure nothing will happen, but that's something that worries me too...

* Update: After your afternoon nap the hives went down quite a bit. I mean, you still had a big red mark by your lip, but it wasn't as bad as when you first broke out.

Well, hello there!

Still groggy from waking up.

This is a game you and I play before you take a bath. Every time I put your shirt over your head like a muslim headpiece you start giggling. You look darn cute too.

Aidan: Take this shirt off of me mommy!