The best weekend in a long time…

This weekend was the best weekend I've had in a long time… I've been filled with so much sadness with memories of my dad that it's been hard to be happy… I was so sad to see this long weekend end.

Friday night my friend Lana treated me to my early birthday lunch at a great Japanese restaurant called Kasa Moto. Then on Saturday we just relaxed at home by having a barbecue in our backyard. On Sunday we went to church in the morning and then Kendall and I met with Auntie Jess and Uncle Wayne downtown to check out the Victorious Festival (a Christian festival with proceeds going to the Canadian Cancer Society). Daddy took you swimming so you guys didn't go with us. We tried to get halmi to go, but she just wanted to stay home :-(

Today (Civic Holiday), we went to Canada's Wonderland in the morning where we rode lots of big kid rides (the first time you were able to do so!) and then we went for a outdoor BBQ at Sunnybrook Park with Auntie Sara, Uncle Wayne, Auntie Jessica, Uncle Wayne, Emma, Noelle, halmi, Dan's mom, brother, Dan's SIL, Sophia and Isabelle. It was such a nice way to end the weekend. I just wish halbi was with us…

You riding the carousel. I realized that you were tall enough to ride a lot of the big kid rides. We ended up
riding Klockwerks, The Fly and Thunder Run. You had a blast!

Kendall stayed with daddy while mommy and you rode the big kid rides. Here she is doing the kimchi squat.

On our way to Sunnybrook Park, you guys passed out. Celebration!

It was supposed to rain today, but it turned out to be a gorgeous day. 

We didn't even have to bring any toys. All the kids had a blast running around. We must do it again!

Kendall was having so much fun. Here she is hopping towards me.

"Hi mommy!"

Uncle Wayne got all the kids (minus Noelle and Isabelle) to carry the mat to the car. You guys were being
good little helpers…

…but failed miserably #fail.

Her first Tiffany's

Today was a special day. We wanted to treat our mom to a day of shopping and dinner to celebrate her birthday. It's been a rough year for all of us, especially for her. We met our mom and Auntie Sara at Yorkdale this afternoon and browsed at a few stores before we headed for dinner at Seoul House. It's been so long since we had a day of shopping together. With our dad being sick and Auntie Jess and I taking care of kids, it was really hard to make time to do something fun for us. Although I did have to take you with me, you were really good (besides eating like a pig!).

Us sisters pitched in to get our mom her first Tiffany's piece. You can see from your grandma's face that 
she was so excited and happy. Just seeing that expression made it all worth it :-)

Isn't the necklace beautiful? It's the mini double heart tag pendant. She absolutely loved it!

Your outfit of the night. You looked like an angel from above today.

Reflections

It's been a hard 2 months since our dad, your halbi passed. It still feels like a dream. It's been so hard for me to post anything relating to him. Every time I think about him, my heart hurts. Yes, we did know that his illness was incurable and that he was lucky to have lived a year, but still… I miss him every day. And more so my mom. Every time I think about my mom, my heart is heavy. I know how much she misses him and how much she wishes he was still here on this earth. We know that he is in heaven with God and no longer in pain and suffering, but we can't help but to miss him. 

Since my mom can't drive, she is basically holed up in the house all day. I decided to meet her this chilly Saturday morning to go to a trail to get a breath of fresh air and to exercise. Since Aidan didn't have his soccer practice this morning, I took both you and Aidan to meet grandma in the morning. We went to a trail that is by the East Don River. My mom had talked about the trail while my dad was still alive. They used to go every day to walk for 2 hours. My mom would say how up until October of last year, he was very mobile and could walk faster than her. It was just sad to walk the paths that my dad had walked. 

It was very chilly even though it is Spring. The little puddles had formed beautiful ice forms on the surface.

Aidan looking at the ice with his grandma.

My mom said that in the summertime, the river has salmon swimming in it.

Aidan posing by a tree.

You decided to come out of the stroller to walk on the trail. 

We miss you halbi~

Last supper

We had our last meal with our great aunt that was visiting from Korea today at Milestones. I'm glad she was here because she kept my mom company while she was still fresh from the loss of losing her husband.

Missing in photo are Emma, Aidan, Uncle Wayne, Daddy (they were sitting in the opposite table).

Preview of 2014 calendar

I wasn't planning on making a calendar this year because we are trying to be more frugal as a family since I don't have a job… However, your Toronto grandparents were asking me last week to make one and I know your Vancouver grandparents will also be disappointed if we don't do one this year. So, I gathered all the photos I took of you guys (not too many this year sadly…) in the past week and here's a sneak peek of what's to come. Isn't the cover so cute?

The classic kissing sibling shots

I think every family has a shot where the parents took photos of their kids kissing each other. I know I  have one where my mom dressed me up as the 'girl' and dressed my sister, Jessica, as the 'boy'. It's actually a pretty twisted shoot because Jessica is wearing our dad's army jacket and aviator sunglasses and I'm wearing a pretty dress with a flower in my hand. We are actually kissing like we are 2 lovers in love!

I didn't go as far as dressing you up as lovers, but I thought it would be cute to shoot some shots of you guys kissing. 99% of the time you guys are fighting, but there's that 1% when you are actually pretty sweet together. 

Polo girl

Your Vancouver grandma had asked me to take some pictures of you wearing this yellow and white Polo dress so that she can send the pictures to her friend that bought this dress for you. I wasn't sure if I would be able to capture any good shots because you are notorious for not staying still. I was pleasantly surprised when you actually posed for me. Mission accomplished!

And so it begins…

You've been complaining to me since last week that the shoes above are baby shoes. I didn't think anything of it, but today I found out the real reason why you didn't want to wear these shoes. 

We were just about to leave the house in the morning and I asked you to wear your running shoes. You said to me, "Mommy, I want to wear my white shoes, not the black shoes. The black shoes are baby shoes." I said that the black shoes weren't baby shoes and that Kendall's shoes were baby shoes and you said that Daniel B told him that it was. I asked you why Daniel B told you your shoes were baby shoes and you said that he thought it looked small and that's why he said they were baby shoes. You are pretty small for your age and it has always worried me a little, but you were visibly upset when you were telling me this. You were insistent on not wearing your black shoes. Even though your white Adidas shoes were the same size, I guess you thought they were a different shoe and that Daniel B wouldn't make fun of you anymore. It really tore me up inside. I wanted to go to your daycare and confront Daniel B and give him a piece of my mind. I also wanted to take you shopping to buy you new shoes. Shoes that you would be confident in wearing. I hate that what your peers say matter to you now. I want to protect you from everything, but I know that I can't. The whole day, this whole incident was bothering me. I haven't told daddy yet because all he would say is, "Yeah, Aidan needs to eat more. He's a runt."

On another note, I have a little bit of good news. I took your Toronto grandpa, my father, to the doctor's appointment this morning. We found out earlier this week from his biopsy results, that he had a very rare form of cancer- neuroendocrine cancer. It's the same type of cancer that Steve Jobs had. It's a much slower-growing tumour so the prognosis is much better. But today, we found out that he has another even rarer type of tumour on top of the neuroendocrine tumour called acinar. We are still finding more about this type of cancer and how the doctors will treat my dad, but it's very good news. His cancer cells also shrunk by 30%. 

Sunday at the grandparent's

Since Auntie Jessica and her family are living at Toronto halbi and halmi's house, we've sort of made it a thing to visit every Sunday afternoon. That way, you can play with Emma (who you love) and I can see halbi and halmi. 

Today, halbi took you and Emma upstairs to his bedroom. You and Emma love going upstairs to lounge on his bed while watching cartoons. When I went up to check on you, I saw the three of you side-by-side lying on his bed. It was so cute!

Smallest to biggest.

All wearing funky panama bottoms.

Tktktktktktkt

Noelle's 100-Day Celebration

With all that's going on with your Toronto halbi's health, your Toronto halmi insisted that Auntie Jessica throw Noelle a 100-day "Baek Il" party. Nothing fancy, but for Noelle to be the centre of attention. Auntie Jessica has been working at the store every day since your halbi got diagnosed with pancreatic cancer so Noelle's been away from her mom ever since. Her paternal grandparent's have been taking care of her during the day. We ended up going to a Korean restaurant for dinner with just the family. It was nice getting dressed up and seeing everyone together. I wanted to take pictures at the restaurant, but it's so hectic when I have to take care of you two. Plus, Uncle Wayne's younger brother, Will, was taking many candid shots at the restaurant. After dinner, we went back to halbi and halmi's house to have dduk cake and Will took our family portrait shots. We've always wanted to do that so it was really special.

I dressed you up in your new coat that Auntie Jessica bought you for Christmas.
Haha, look at Aidan in the background.

My leather jacket-wearing lil dude.

And my little princess.

When I was tying your hair in my bathroom, you kept pretending to brush your teeth with mommy's
toothbrush. I guess all those days of watching mommy brush Aidan and your teeth paid off.

On our way to the party. Look how cute you look!

Tomorrow…

Tomorrow morning (8:45am) is Toronto halbi's oncology appointment. Tomorrow is where we will find out the severity of the cancer and what treatment options halbi has. Tomorrow will be our new reality. 

More bad news

So now I know what's wrong with you. The good news is that what you've been suffering from was NOT an allergic reaction (thank god!), but it was actually Strep Throat. More specifically Scarlet Fever. That's why you were so red all over. I think you may have got it when we went to an indoor playground on Sunday. I also got myself checked out and the doctor said I have Strep Throat. We're both taking antibiotics, but that means we are contagious and can't go to work/daycare. I've been wanting to visit my parents for a while, but with all this sickness I couldn't. And now, I don't know when I can… 

The worst news of all is that my dad's tumour has spread to his liver and lymph nodes. Auntie Jessica has been working at their café all this week and plans to until they sell their store. Everything is happening so fast that it's frightening. I'm just so scared of what the future holds. 

Kendall had Wacky Hair Day at school so this is what I came up with. She already has wacky hair so this
was easy.

Kendall also got bit on the nose at daycare yesterday. I don't know if you can tell in this photo.
It's like things just keep going downhill…

Kendall kissing Rosco goodbye before leaving for daycare. That girl just loves Rosco,

This was the pile of snow that fell today. It's been the worst so far. 

Our urn covered in snow.

It took me an hour to shovel our driveway because my car got stuck trying to go in the driveway.