The best weekend in a long time…

This weekend was the best weekend I've had in a long time… I've been filled with so much sadness with memories of my dad that it's been hard to be happy… I was so sad to see this long weekend end.

Friday night my friend Lana treated me to my early birthday lunch at a great Japanese restaurant called Kasa Moto. Then on Saturday we just relaxed at home by having a barbecue in our backyard. On Sunday we went to church in the morning and then Kendall and I met with Auntie Jess and Uncle Wayne downtown to check out the Victorious Festival (a Christian festival with proceeds going to the Canadian Cancer Society). Daddy took you swimming so you guys didn't go with us. We tried to get halmi to go, but she just wanted to stay home :-(

Today (Civic Holiday), we went to Canada's Wonderland in the morning where we rode lots of big kid rides (the first time you were able to do so!) and then we went for a outdoor BBQ at Sunnybrook Park with Auntie Sara, Uncle Wayne, Auntie Jessica, Uncle Wayne, Emma, Noelle, halmi, Dan's mom, brother, Dan's SIL, Sophia and Isabelle. It was such a nice way to end the weekend. I just wish halbi was with us…

You riding the carousel. I realized that you were tall enough to ride a lot of the big kid rides. We ended up
riding Klockwerks, The Fly and Thunder Run. You had a blast!

Kendall stayed with daddy while mommy and you rode the big kid rides. Here she is doing the kimchi squat.

On our way to Sunnybrook Park, you guys passed out. Celebration!

It was supposed to rain today, but it turned out to be a gorgeous day. 

We didn't even have to bring any toys. All the kids had a blast running around. We must do it again!

Kendall was having so much fun. Here she is hopping towards me.

"Hi mommy!"

Uncle Wayne got all the kids (minus Noelle and Isabelle) to carry the mat to the car. You guys were being
good little helpers…

…but failed miserably #fail.

Aidan graduation

As I'm writing this, I'm filled with so many conflicted emotions- happiness, sadness and pride. It seems like yesterday that you came out of my womb and now, my baby is graduation from Senior Kindergarten… Where did the time go? I am so thankful for God that he gave me this year to be there for my dad and also for you and Kendall. How amazing is it that He restores all things? Praise be to God. I am so honoured that I got to share in this special moment with you. I love you!

The morning before I dropped you off at school. Don't you look handsome?

You and Kendall.

Kendall wanted a solo shot. 

The gymnasium was packed with parents. Daddy couldn't be here because he had to work, but I wish now
that he had taken it off. It was such a special day that I never want to forget. 

The graduation procession. You totally ignored me!

All the Senior Kindergarteners from your school that were graduating this year.

Singing O Canada.

Each of the classes had a performance that they did. This was your class's performance.

My handsome boy.

You made a self portrait of yourself.

Your favourite memory of Kindergarten.

Getting ready to accept your diploma.

You did it! You graduated Kindergarten! That is your teacher- Ms Stamkos and Ms Silverberg. 

The graduation slideshow of your class- Room 110.

You and your best friend at school- Mateo.

Another good friend of yours- Avishai.

You also love these girls- Amayah and Cailyn.

Here you are holding Cailyn's hand. What a guy!

You and mommy. I am so proud of you!

My little graduate. You are wearing daddy's white shirt backwards!

Reflections

It's been a hard 2 months since our dad, your halbi passed. It still feels like a dream. It's been so hard for me to post anything relating to him. Every time I think about him, my heart hurts. Yes, we did know that his illness was incurable and that he was lucky to have lived a year, but still… I miss him every day. And more so my mom. Every time I think about my mom, my heart is heavy. I know how much she misses him and how much she wishes he was still here on this earth. We know that he is in heaven with God and no longer in pain and suffering, but we can't help but to miss him. 

Since my mom can't drive, she is basically holed up in the house all day. I decided to meet her this chilly Saturday morning to go to a trail to get a breath of fresh air and to exercise. Since Aidan didn't have his soccer practice this morning, I took both you and Aidan to meet grandma in the morning. We went to a trail that is by the East Don River. My mom had talked about the trail while my dad was still alive. They used to go every day to walk for 2 hours. My mom would say how up until October of last year, he was very mobile and could walk faster than her. It was just sad to walk the paths that my dad had walked. 

It was very chilly even though it is Spring. The little puddles had formed beautiful ice forms on the surface.

Aidan looking at the ice with his grandma.

My mom said that in the summertime, the river has salmon swimming in it.

Aidan posing by a tree.

You decided to come out of the stroller to walk on the trail. 

We miss you halbi~

So long, farewell~

Becoming a mom turned me into such a sentimental wuss. I don't know why, but every little milestone makes me into such a cry baby. 

Today was your last day at your daycare. You are starting a new daycare that Aidan is currently attending. The reason why we wanted to put you in Aidan's daycare is so that the pickups and drop-offs are much easier for both daddy and I. Last winter, daddy had such a hard time going to 2 different daycare centres to pick you both up. We would have put you in Aidan's daycare sooner, but they only accepted kids over 2 2/1 until recently. They are now accepting 2-year olds. I guess the demand is high where we live…

I didn't think that today would be a sad day for me. However, it made me realize that my babies are growing up. This daycare was the daycare Aidan started at when he was 1 so it's a little bittersweet. I think I now know why people keep having more kids. 

Your teachers- Miss Karina and Miss Sandeep wrote you a beautiful card and inside were handprints of all the kids in your daycare class with a class photo. I literally had a lump in my throat when I read this. Thank you Karina and Sandeep!

There's hope in the promise of the cross

From left to right: Cameron (9), Daniel, April, Tyler (7)

Earlier this week, while I was browsing online during my lunch break at work, I came across a story on the Yahoo homepage of a woman, April Smith, who had lost her 2 sons during a Tornado in Arkansas on April 27. Having 2 kids myself, I immediately felt a deep pain and huge sorrow. I could not imagine what she was going through. However, the story went on to say that it was only through her faith in God that she was able to be at peace. She knew that her boys knew Jesus and that they would be OK. She was in such emotional pain, but she knew that God is good and God had taken them home. 

It is through her story (which went viral, BTW), that so many people came to know God and even Christians that were wavering in their faith were able to come back to God. Amen to that!

Her friend, Jessica, posted a blog post of her friend's incredible story of faith, which I am going to link here. I know that the boys' deaths were not in vain. There are so many things that happen in this world that we don't understand, but we have to know that God is good. Jessica, in her blog post, posted a scripture verse that her other friend had shared and I'm going post is here. It's from Isaiah 55:8-11:

8 “My thoughts are nothing like your thoughts,” says the Lord. “And my ways are far beyond anything you could imagine.
9 For just as the heavens are higher than the earth, so my ways are higher than your ways and my thoughts higher than your thoughts.
10 “The rain and snow come down from the heavens and stay on the ground to water the earth. They cause the grain to grow, producing seed for the farmer and bread for the hungry.
11 It is the same with my word. I send it out, and it always produces fruit. It will accomplish all I want it to, and it will prosper everywhere I send it.

We are all here for a purpose- for God's purpose. This world that we live in is only a temporary residence. So we have to live knowing that the world we live in is only temporary. We have an eternal home waiting for us. So we must live to serve God's purpose.

O God, please be with April and Daniel as they are healing physically and emotionally. We know your heart breaks when we suffer. When we see this world through our eyes, it's hard to understand and grasp the terrible things that happen around us, but thank you for giving April a small glimpse into your wonderful plan. We know you are good and you are faithful. Let us continue to put our faith in you that you will make everything ok. In Jesus' name, Amen.

And so it begins…

You've been complaining to me since last week that the shoes above are baby shoes. I didn't think anything of it, but today I found out the real reason why you didn't want to wear these shoes. 

We were just about to leave the house in the morning and I asked you to wear your running shoes. You said to me, "Mommy, I want to wear my white shoes, not the black shoes. The black shoes are baby shoes." I said that the black shoes weren't baby shoes and that Kendall's shoes were baby shoes and you said that Daniel B told him that it was. I asked you why Daniel B told you your shoes were baby shoes and you said that he thought it looked small and that's why he said they were baby shoes. You are pretty small for your age and it has always worried me a little, but you were visibly upset when you were telling me this. You were insistent on not wearing your black shoes. Even though your white Adidas shoes were the same size, I guess you thought they were a different shoe and that Daniel B wouldn't make fun of you anymore. It really tore me up inside. I wanted to go to your daycare and confront Daniel B and give him a piece of my mind. I also wanted to take you shopping to buy you new shoes. Shoes that you would be confident in wearing. I hate that what your peers say matter to you now. I want to protect you from everything, but I know that I can't. The whole day, this whole incident was bothering me. I haven't told daddy yet because all he would say is, "Yeah, Aidan needs to eat more. He's a runt."

On another note, I have a little bit of good news. I took your Toronto grandpa, my father, to the doctor's appointment this morning. We found out earlier this week from his biopsy results, that he had a very rare form of cancer- neuroendocrine cancer. It's the same type of cancer that Steve Jobs had. It's a much slower-growing tumour so the prognosis is much better. But today, we found out that he has another even rarer type of tumour on top of the neuroendocrine tumour called acinar. We are still finding more about this type of cancer and how the doctors will treat my dad, but it's very good news. His cancer cells also shrunk by 30%. 

Tomorrow…

Tomorrow morning (8:45am) is Toronto halbi's oncology appointment. Tomorrow is where we will find out the severity of the cancer and what treatment options halbi has. Tomorrow will be our new reality. 

More bad news

So now I know what's wrong with you. The good news is that what you've been suffering from was NOT an allergic reaction (thank god!), but it was actually Strep Throat. More specifically Scarlet Fever. That's why you were so red all over. I think you may have got it when we went to an indoor playground on Sunday. I also got myself checked out and the doctor said I have Strep Throat. We're both taking antibiotics, but that means we are contagious and can't go to work/daycare. I've been wanting to visit my parents for a while, but with all this sickness I couldn't. And now, I don't know when I can… 

The worst news of all is that my dad's tumour has spread to his liver and lymph nodes. Auntie Jessica has been working at their café all this week and plans to until they sell their store. Everything is happening so fast that it's frightening. I'm just so scared of what the future holds. 

Kendall had Wacky Hair Day at school so this is what I came up with. She already has wacky hair so this
was easy.

Kendall also got bit on the nose at daycare yesterday. I don't know if you can tell in this photo.
It's like things just keep going downhill…

Kendall kissing Rosco goodbye before leaving for daycare. That girl just loves Rosco,

This was the pile of snow that fell today. It's been the worst so far. 

Our urn covered in snow.

It took me an hour to shovel our driveway because my car got stuck trying to go in the driveway.