First day at daycare

Dear Aidan,

Nobody told me that having a baby will make become harder and harder each year. I'm not just talking about the physical hardships, but I'm talking about emotional hardships. I prepared myself for the lack of sleep and lack of freedom of doing whatever I felt like doing before I had you, but I was never prepared for the going back to work part and putting you in daycare. Today was your first day at daycare. I had been dreading this day for a while because I felt that it was the last straw where the bond that you and I had together would be broken. I was so used to having you around me that I never realized that a day would come when I would have to cut the string and let you grow up. This morning everyone woke up at 6:30am to get you ready for daycare. I had to wake you up while you were sleeping so I could feed you before daddy took you to daycare.


I'm not sure if you knew something was different today, but you held on to daddy so tightly this morning. I was so heartbroken when I saw that. I felt so guilty inside for letting somebody else take care of you while I worked. I would rather spend every waking moment with you than work, but things don't always happen the way that you want it to...



It was still very early in the morning so you were a bit groggy.



The sun was shining behind you so you looked like my little angel.



All strapped in and ready to go. Sniff sniff.



I waved so hard while I saw daddy drive off with you, but you didn't even look at me. I was so sad. I came inside and I broke out in tears. Your Vancouver grandma saw me cry and consoled me, but afterwards she disappeared in her room and cried too. It was sad for both of us. It felt so lonely in the house after you left.



This was after mommy came home from work. Your Toronto grandparents and Toronto Aunties came over to visit you and see how we were all doing. You looked very drained and not your usual self. Or maybe it was just me. You were sitting in your playpen watching a Treehouse program. Apparently you were very grumpy at daycare today.




We all played with you in your playroom and your mood got a bit better.

Tomorrow we start the second day at daycare. Daddy will probably put you in for a little longer than today. You were there until 1pm today. We'll see how tomorrow goes. I'm hoping to work from home on Friday this week so I can take you to daycare myself.