Extreme guilt

Dear Aidan,

Today was the first day I came home from work and you were already sleeping. I didn't even get to see you... I'm so sad. Daddy was saying it took him so long to put you to sleep. He tried putting you to sleep at 8:50pm. I got home at 9:30pm and daddy was patting you to sleep in your crib. I took his spot and tried to pat you to sleep. Maybe it was so difficult because you were waiting for mommy? It just breaks my heart that I wasted one day not spending time with you. You grow so much in one day so I feel like I missed out. Ugh.

What a handsome boy you are

Dear Aidan,

Every day you are getting cuter and cuter. These pictures were taken at church today. All of our friends always comment how cute you are and how handsome you are. Daddy is probably saying that they say that to every baby, but I really do think you are one of the cutest babies that I've seen. Your Toronto grandfather said that you smile with your eyes and I think that's what makes you so cute. Some babies don't smile with their eyes and they look frankly like aliens.

Here is Patty giving you a kiss. She just adores you. She always asks me if she can take you home with her.

Boys club

Dear Aidan,

This is the 3 boys in my life: you, daddy, and Rosco. This was you guys this morning. Daddy had you beside him on the couch while he was waiting for me to get ready.



I can't remember what you guys were watching- probably Treehouse, but you guys look so comfortable!

We had a pretty long day today. We had lots of errands- we had to get a baby gate for you because there were a couple of instances where you almost fell down the stairs. You are such a fast walker now that sometimes you get ahead of us while we turn around just for a second. It's quite scary. Today daddy went to our ensuite bathroom with you. I guess he thought I was still in the master bedroom. You had walked out of our bathroom, into the bedroom, and headed for the hallway because you were looking for me. I was putting stuff away in your room because I thought you were still in our washroom with daddy. It was a scary moment when we both rushed out to the hallway and you were steps away from the staircase.

Then we dropped by our friend, Jenn and Ed's house to see their new baby, Nathan. It was the first time seeing him since he was born 2 weeks ago. I had been so busy with work that I didn't even have a chance to go visit them. This is their new bundle of joy, Nathan.



So cute! He was born with a lot of hair. Look at those sideburns! Cute!

I end this posting off with a photo I took of you while you were still sleeping in the morning. This was taken during the weekday. I always feel bad waking you up to get you ready for daycare.

Who did that to my son?!

Dear Aidan,

Sigh. I came home at 9pm today. Your Toronto grandparents dropped by after their work to visit you. That was nice. They brought over some food for us and they stayed with you and daddy until I came home. When I pulled into the driveway (I drove today) your Toronto grandma and you were waiting outside for me. I noticed your face right away. You had this half circle red mark on your left cheek. Apparently some kid at daycare scratched you today. I guess you were going for the same toy and they lashed out at you. I'm so upset! It looks so painful. I feel guilty as it is coming home so late, but now I have to deal with this. Ugh. I feel terrible. And it's only going to get worse because I'm busy at work until next Thursday. I played with you for an hour before I put you to bed, but while you were playing in your playroom I suddenly got all teary-eyed. You were playing so well by yourself and I felt so guilty inside.

Am I biased?

Dear Aidan,

I think you're the cutest baby that I've ever seen. I know all moms say that about their own, but I really think you are so cute! I asked daddy while we were eating at Galleria if he thought you were the cutest baby that he's ever seen and he said no! Maybe daddy is a realist, but you were oh so cute today. I love it when I come home now your face lights up when you see me. It gives me a warm feeling inside. Daddy picked me up from Finch Station today because I ended work late (yet again). I guess you got antsy in the car because when I got to Finch passenger pick-up I saw daddy walking around with you. I saw you before you saw me and when I called out your name you smiled at me as you recognized who I was. You were dressed pretty cute today. I was happy because although it was late you were in a really good mood. We went to Galleria to eat, but you were smiling and chatty. Daddy and I didn't have to scarf our food like we normally do when we eat at restaurants. I took the above photos of you at the food court at Galleria.

I know I haven't updated much on what you are doing, but here's what you can do now:

- You know what 'hug' means. When daddy and I say, 'Hug!', you walk over to our open arms to give us a hug.
- You now walk around while eating your milk in your sippy cup. It's so cute because you'll walk all around the first floor going around and around. You sometimes even chase poor Rosco!
- You now understand what 'high five' means. Now you actually do a slapping motion to give us high fives.
- You can now eat textured food quite well. The other day I gave you raisin bread with a little bit of strawberry jam and you ate the whole slice! I had to tear it to small little pieces, but you loved it.
- When I read you a book that has a flap on a page you can expertly close and open it. You can also turn pages of a book very well. You actually enjoy it quite a bit when I read to you because now you touch the page if there is something textured on it.

That's all I can think of now.

Another week, another day

Dear Aidan,

My heart melts when you smile. Daddy took this photo of you while we were on our way to drop you off at daycare this morning. Daddy took a day off because he was so sore from the soccer tournament this past weekend so he took you to daycare a little later than usual. He also dropped mommy off at the subway station. That's why mommy was able to go with you to daycare to drop you off. You were, again, so upset when mommy handed you over to Rebecca, one of the daycare teachers. As I have mentioned before you are really hard to deal with lately because you are so needy. I think the daycare is making you like that. Daddy was saying to me how he thinks you have separation anxiety- that you think we aren't going to come back for you. This weekend took a toll on mommy because I couldn't put you down for one minute. I had to constantly play with you and be around you. I had so much work to do, but it was only when you went to bed that I was able to get any work done. I hate to say it, but I was glad Monday rolled around because I felt freedom. I didn't even go outside for 2 days!

This week is going to be a long week for mommy as the magazine is going into production. We are closing our October issue so it's a little hectic right now. Mommy came home close to 9:00pm today. I was afraid I wasn't going to see you before you went to bed. Luckily you were still awake when I came home, but barely. I'm planning to take a few days off once the issue wraps.

It started off well...

Dear Aidan,

The day started off well, but it turned into a nightmare as the day wore on. Daddy was away all day today because he had a soccer tournament so it was just me and you. I had a lot of stuff to do- clean up the house and do some work (it's one of the busiest times at work right now). However, I wanted to make sure I spent time with you today since I hadn't seen much of you this past week. In the morning I played a lot with you and even took lots of photos of you in your hanbok. Your Vancouver grandmother always asks me to send her pictures of you and she had requested me to take photos of you in your hanbok one last time before you grew out of it. I thought it was the perfect time to take these photos. You were in such a good mood and I was able to get some great shots. Then you took a nap from 10:00am to 1:00pm. I was able to do a few things while you were sleeping- laundry, eat, read a magazine, and do some work. I was thinking it was going to be a great day because you got a long nap and it seemed that way when you woke up. You were well-rested and happy. Then I fed you and played with you again in your playroom. We played for 2 hours, but I noticed you were getting very tired. I didn't think that you would take another long nap, but I tried to put you to sleep anyways. I brought you downstairs and made sure the TV was off. I put you down in your playpen (so that I could do some work on my laptop in the breakfast area), but you started crying right away. I noticed lately that you hate being put down. I tried patting you and everything, but you just wanted out. I know that at daycare they just leave you in the crib while you are still awake and you are able to fall asleep on your own so I thought that if I went away you would do just that. Boy, was I wrong! You cried so much that I went crazy. I don't want you to keep being babied by me so I let you cry. It just got worse. I couldn't deal with it anymore so I yelled at you and I spanked you a few times. You cried even more! Eventually I had to take you out and hold you. You stopped crying right away, but you were so drained of energy that you were just a limp baby. I felt so bad! I guess all that crying made you exhausted, but still you weren't sleeping. I was beyond frustrated at this point because I had so much work to do, but I didn't even get to do anything! Plus, I was annoyed that daddy wasn't home to help me. I'm just so tired and exhausted!

Twins?

Dear Aidan,

I'm so tired and the only thing I want to do is crawl into bed, but I didn't want to do 2 days in a row without updating this blog.
I can't wait until this week is over. Actually, it's only going to get busier for mommy in the next couple of weeks, but I just need the weekend to recuperate. Plus, I hardly saw you this week. Maybe a couple of hours each day. Sigh.

You were quite the cranky baby when mommy came home from work. The only thing that cheered you up was when daddy wore your Sumi towel over his head. I thought it was cute to put the Quatchi towel over your head and take a photo of daddy and you.

It was so easy to put you to bed today. Lately it's been pretty easy. I think it's because daycare is wearing you out.
Anyways, I'm off to bed now!

Work/life balance

Dear Aidan,

I don't know how other moms do it. I feel extremely guilty every time I come home late from work. At work I am entering into one of the busiest times so I'm anticipating lots of late nights at the office. Today I came home well after 8:00pm. You were already tired so I had to quickly eat dinner and play with you before I put you to bed. You were extremely needy and kept wanting to be near me when I came home. It must be so hard on you too because you went from being with mommy 24 hours a day to now a couple of hours a day. I'm sooooooo sorry. I kept repeating that to you while I was playing with you.

My friend, Jenn, just had her baby and when I saw a picture of her son I was in utter awe. I couldn't believe that just a year ago that was me in her situation. I can't believe how much you've grown and how much you will grow from now. I want to be there to experience everything. Daddy told me today that he had to fill out a injury report from daycare. Apparently you fell down today and you hurt your right eye. I guess every time a baby gets hurt they have to fill out a report. I can't believe that I wasn't there to soothe you when you got hurt. It just kills me inside! I bet you were crying out for me too. Ugh. I feel so horrible...

Belated birthday pics

Dear Aidan,

Here you are at Steer Inn Burgers when we were there to eat dinner after daddy and mommy got our hair cut at Jenny Hair Salon. You are much better today than last night. Your fever went down and you looked more awake than yesterday. I'm so happy that you are feeling better. I was worried about you all day today.

On another note, I finally got the disk from Will, JP's dad, of your birthday pics that he took. He's really into photography and he took pictures of your birthday as a favour to us. I wish he came right when the party started so he could have taken photos of the table decor and all that good stuff, but what can you do...


Your birthday cake made by Patty. I gave her a sketch of the cake that I wanted and this is what she came up with. It's basically a stack of school textbooks and notebooks and topped off with an apple.



The head table. The venue where we had the party was pretty dimly lit so it was hard to capture the room decor. Daddy and I worked so hard the night before to get it all ready for you.



Your birthday banner.



Here is your cake from the side. So many people touched the cake because they thought it was a real book!



You and your Vancouver grandma. She looks so happy holding you.



Daddy, mommy, you, and your Vancouver grandma.



Our friends Grace and Patty's family. You can sort of see the table decor, but not really! Such a shame. I worked so hard to put that all together...



Ryan, Cara, and Justine. Such a cute family.



Julie, Do Yoon, daddy, and Lana.



Our extended family. I love how they are holding up the name tags that I made.



Erica and James' family as well as Helen and Pastor Jason's daugthers.



Look how happy you are holding the balloon. It's so funny, but those balloons were so tangled up just before your birthday party began. It took mommy, daddy, Auntie Jess, and Uncle Wayne so long to detangle them. I don't even think we detangled all of them.



Our small group family.



Mommy, your Toronto grandma, and you.



Auntie Jess and Uncle Wayne.



Isaiah with his name tag on his back. So cute!



Your cousin Ethan. He is such a good boy.



This was right when the doljabi began. What will you pick?



I think I'm encouraging you to pick the $100 bill!



Oh yes! You picked a hockey stick! Your second pick was the $100 bill. Auntie Jess, who narrated the whole doljabi, said that you will become a rich hockey player. Yes!



Daddy, mommy, you, your Vancouver grandma, Auntie Jane, and your Vancouver grandpa.



Everyone look at the birthday boy!



Daddy, Auntie Jess, mommy, your Toronto grandma, you, your Toronto grandpa, and Auntie Sara.



Here we go again!



The happy family.



Mommy had to blow out your birthday candle because you didn't know how to blow it out.



Daddy's little boy.