Mommy is sooooo tired from today, but she had to upload the pictures from the zoo today. Daddy emailed me on Friday if I wanted to go to the zoo on Monday (today) because it was May 2-4 weekend. I was so excited when he asked that because I love the zoo and I enjoyed going there with daddy when we were dating. Plus, I wanted you to experience your first trip to the zoo. You'll probably be too young to remember, but I made sure I took lots of photos of you while we were there.
You and daddy posing by the Tundra sign. It was a hot day today. Very hot. I think it was 28 degrees, but it felt hotter than that because we were walking uphill a lot.
A close-up shot of you. You must have wondered where you were because you looked quite confused here.
Our first animal- the polar bear!
You were so excited. You were touching the glass.
Here is daddy showing you where the polar bear was. You had trouble looking at some of the animals because you kept getting distracted by people around us.
The polar bear swimming. He was such a performer because he kept going back and forth swimming on his stomach and back.
You spotted the polar bear!
Aidan: Come back polar bear!
Daddy and you by the polar bear exhibit.
This was another area where the polar bears were. Daddy propped you up on the ledge so you could see the bears better.
I focused on the bears this time so you are a little blurry in the foreground.
A vertical shot. I love how small you are compared to daddy.
Lions, tigers, bears, oh my!
When you saw the tiger you were smitten. You could not take your eyes off the cat. Maybe you were scared he would have you for dinner?
Midway through our visit you fell asleep.
Look at the pretty angel.
Daddy's sweat marks on the back of his shirt. Looks like a bunny with bunny ears.
You and I posing. Too bad you were out cold! I forgot what animal was in the background.
You and I posing again. Again, you were out. I think that was a cheetah in the background.
Another shot.
'I forgot what this animal was called, but I love this shot.
One of my favourite shots of the day. I got really close, but I focused on the animal so the metal bars were blurred out.
It looks like the animal is right beside me in this shot.
Wake up sleepy head! You're missing all the animals.
You woke up!
So sleepy.
Stunned.
You definitely look like you just woke up from a nap here.
Heading to another section of the zoo.
Aidan: Take this hat off of me!
See the giraffe in the background?
Daddy trying to show you the giraffe.
You, daddy, and a zebra.
The grizzly bear came out from his hole to pee. He took a really long pee.
You were more interested in eating your foot than seeing the bear.
You and a grizzly bear statue. I have a photo of daddy in front of this bear statue that I took long time ago. I wonder if I still have it...
Close-up shot. Look at that thigh!
Daddy playing peekaboo with you.
This was your expression when daddy was doing peekaboo. You were so entertained.
A rhinoceros.
You look so mischievous here.
I think you were hungry. You kept eating your thumb.
Daddy: Get that thumb outta there!
Aidan watching the hippos.
One of my favourite shots. I love how the leaves are framing the shot.
Still chewing on the fingers.
Daddy carried you most of the way near the end of our visit.
Wasn't that fun? Let's do it again when you are older.
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On a side note I want to say that I'm really disappointed in daddy. You probably didn't notice, but during the grizzly bear part of the trip daddy and I fought. Your Toronto grandparents were calling his cellphone so he gave his phone to me to answer. I don't know how to use his phone so I pressed a button and I think it ended the call. No big deal, right? WRONG! Daddy got so annoyed at me. And it's not just your average person getting annoyed. He got really mad. Then I started getting mad because all I had to do was call them back. No biggie. Then I scratched his arm and he got really mad because he thought people around saw what happened (which they didn't btw). He gets so flustered when he thinks that people see us fight. Who cares. I know it's not cool to fight in public, but he stormed off with you and left me sitting there by myself. I had to sit there to calm myself down because I was really angry.
Lately he's been getting mad at me for no reason and it's really affecting me inside. I told you about him throwing a fit over his black socks during Elisa's wedding date. His anger is really starting to show and I'm getting sick and tired of it. Everytime he is angry he finds a way to put it out on me. Even tonight, it was his turn to put you to bed, but he was trying every excuse to get out of it because he was tired. You know, he's not the only person who is tired. I was dead tired too. I told him I wasn't going to help him because on my nights I do EVERYTHING by myself. Yesterday he came home after 10pm because he played soccer and I had to bathe you, feed you, and put you to sleep. He didn't even see you go to bed. Plus, I fed you solids all-day today. He didn't even offer. I'm really frustrated because I go back to work in a few months and I really need him to step up with taking care of you. Unless I tell him what to do he will not do it. Even today I had to wake up so early to feed you solids, then breast feed you, then have all your stuff packed in the diaper bag. It's just not fair. So back to the feeding tonight. I told him I wasn't going to do anything. Then he gives me the guilt trip blah blah blah. He always give me the guilt trip saying things like, 'How can you leave us?' and 'How can you leave this guy (referring to you)?', etc. etc. And he knows it's going to work because I really do want to be a good mother to you. However, he doesn't give a second look when he goes out to play soccer or hockey.
When he saw that I wasn't going to help I knew he was going to get mad at me. I know him so well by now that I can predict what's going to happen. He got up to prepare your formula milk and when he didn't see the bottle (to prepare the milk) on the counter he got mad at me saying, 'where's the bottle?!? It's not here!' I had already heated up the water for him. All he had to do was mix the powder and water together in the bottle. So even though I tried to do things beforehand to make it a little easier on him he still gets mad at me. I was so annoyed that I took you upstairs, changed your diaper, put you in your jammies and fed you myself. I know it seems like I'm trying to put the blame all to daddy, but I'm not. I just want him to realize his wrong-doings and apologize to me. He still hasn't apologized. I think he went to bed. He has so much pride. I'm so hurt inside. I want daddy to respect me and appreciate me once in a while and I hardly get that anymore. I do so much and sometimes I feel so lonely because all I want is a simple, 'Steph, I appreciate you. I know it's hard sometimes, but I want you to know that it's not going unnoticed.' I'm sorry to blurt all this out, but I just have to do it. You know, daddy loves you to death. I know that. He is going to be a great father for you, but I sometimes feel that after you were born I was put on the back burner. I just don't want our relationship to suffer because it's going affect our relationship as a family that's all.
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