It's all worth it

Dear Aidan,

As you can see from the post time mommy is wide awake in the middle of the night yet again. You woke up crying so I changed your diaper and fed you. I just tucked you back to sleep.
While I was feeding you my mind started to wander. I think more and more I'm beginning to understand the heart of God. Some of these sleepless nights and days of repetition can make me go crazy sometimes, but when you smile at me it makes it all worth it. I think that's just how it is with us and God. We do a lot of terrible things, but God never turns away from us. We are His creation and He loves us. It reminds me of a few Bible stories where God had a choice to destroy us in many occasions- story of Noah's Ark and Sodom and Gomorroah, but He chose to remain faithful and believe that we could come back to Him again. And I think that's the mystery of creation. It gave me God's perspective, but at the same time it made me want to change the way I am as a parent. My life is no longer my life. You are now in the equation. I can no longer live life only thinking of myself. I now have to think twice before I do anything. It's no longer 'What would Jesus do', but 'What would mommy do'? That's why I wonder about some parents whose lives aren't totally transformed by having a baby. Take for example, Tiger Woods. I'm not sure if he will still be a huge star athlete when you are older, but news just broke a few days ago how he had an extramarital affair. What surprised me most about the whole story was that he had an affair with a woman while his wife was pregnant with their second child. There were even reports that he was texting with one of his mistresses while his wife was delivering! When I hear stuff like that I have to think whether or not he experienced true transformation. But that's just it, it's either one or the other. I'm only mentioning stars because they are so well-known, but take a look at Angelina Jolie. She was a wild child, but once she adopted her first child (and many more to come!) her life was transformed.
Well, enough of my blabbering. I'm ready to go to bed now. You seem to have gone back to sleep.