Shock and heart break

It's been such an emotional roller coaster today.

It started off the way it usually starts on a Monday- hectic. I was trying to get you out of the house to drop you off at daycare and because I was running late and you were more clingy than usual, I was annoyed. I yelled at you right before I dropped you off at school.

I was at a photo shoot today for work and round 10:30am I got a call from your daycare. Anytime they call me, I get nervous. I guess it's because anytime they call me, it's to tell me that you got hurt. This time, they told me that you had fallen outside while at recess and your mouth was bleeding. Apparently you were going to your friend, Mateo, and I guess you tripped on the slide and smashed your face on the concrete. I asked the teacher that I was talking to on the phone to check your teeth to see if your teeth were okay. She told me that she didn't know because there was a lot of blood, but that you were okay and they were just icing your mouth. I just recall that the whole time that we were talking, the thing that struck me was just how calm the teacher was. I don't know if it's because she didn't know the extent of your injury or that she didn't want me to freak out. Because of how calm she was, I didn't know how badly injured you were. I told the teacher I would call back in an hour during my lunch break to check up on you again. When I called back, I asked them how you were doing and they said you were doing well and that you were eating eating (soup). I asked them to check your teeth again (I guess they didn't check it since I last spoke!) and they asked me, "Are Aidan's teeth crooked?" Immediately I said, "No!" I started panicking at this point because they were telling me that I might have to take you to the dentist. I told them I couldn't leave at that moment because I was in the middle of a shoot, but that I would come as soon as I could. Even then, I didn't hear a sense of worry from the teacher about your condition. Honestly, I didn't think your accident was that bad, judging from what they were telling me. When I was finally able to get away (around 3pm) I just rushed out of the shoot to go to you. It took me just over an hour to get to your daycare and when I ran in, you were sitting on a chair. The first thing I noticed was that you were talking with a lisp. I asked you to open your mouth and I was shocked! Your 2 front teeth were jammed in and one tooth was chipped. Tears started welling in my eyes and I just started dressing you right away to leave. I was so furious. The daycare teachers started surrounding me and saying that I had to take you to the dentist. And their voice sounded really concerned- totally different than what they were before. I just felt that they were judging me for coming so late. I mean, it was them that made the situation feel lighter than it actually was! Then one of the teacher started telling me that Aidan's boots were really worn out on the sole and that several times he was on the verge of falling. Why didn't they tell me this before??? I just felt that they were trying to direct the blame back onto me. I just wanted to get the hell out of there. When I got you into the car, I was frantically calling your pediatric dentist to see if they could see you ASAP, but they weren't picking up. I eventually called my dentist to see if he could see you. Luckily he was able to. When my dentist saw you, he said you were probably going to lose 2 of your front teeth, but he didn't want to pull it out in case your pediatric dentist could do something to possibly save the teeth. He got his receptionist to keep calling your pediatric dentist to get them to see you for tomorrow and eventually she was able to get through to them. We will be seeing your pediatric dentist tomorrow at 1:30pm. By the time you got home you were famished. My dentist told me to just give you soup and soft foods so I made a big pot of chicken noodle soup and you ate 3 servings! When daddy got home, he was so angry! I had wrapped the daycare teachers' presents the day before and he told me not to give it to them. 

This experience has been a total nightmare. I just feel sick to my stomach because I know if you were home with me, this would have never happened. I just feel guilty that I wasn't able to prevent this from happening and that I wasn't able to leave work to see you right away. I'm sorry I was mad at you this morning. I'm just so sorry. So sorry…

At my dentist waiting for the dentist to examine your injured teeth. Even through this whole ordeal,
you were a trooper. You didn't even cry and several times you asked me why I was crying.

You were so hungry when we got home from the dentist that you had 3 bowls of soup! You don't
normally have a huge appetite so this really saddened and shocked me.