You are a gift

Every day I'm reminded how blessed I am to have you.
Today while I was playing with you after your late afternoon nap I got a call from Auntie Sara. She was asking me if I had talked to Auntie Jess this week. Auntie Jess had gone to see her OBGYN on Thursday. What had happened apparently was that the doctors found out from her ultrasound that Jess was starting to dilate. That is not a good thing at this stage of her pregnancy- she is 24 weeks now. I don't know if I had mentioned it, but Auntie Jess is currently on bed rest due to complications of her pregnancy. Basically her cervix is short- much smaller than regular pregnant women so she could have a miscarriage at any moment. It's such a scary thought that every time I think about it I get a tear in my eye. I can't imagine what they (Wayne and Jess) must be going through. However, I'm so proud of her and how she is handling this. She is basically leaving it in God's hands.

I know I get angry and frustrated with you... especially lately since you are at your terrible 2 stage. However, I know I should be more patient and truly think of you as a gift every day of my life. This morning you woke up quite early (considering you slept at 1am the night before) so I was frustrated and started yelling, "Go to sleep!" and "Ddook!" (meaning "hush" in Korean). You were crying and I was just so annoyed and tired. Then when I picked you up from your crib I realized you woke up because you had wet your bed and your clothes were all soaked. I felt completely guilty and terrible that I had yelled at you when you were just calling out for me because you needed my help.

Yes, there are times when I want to just be responsible for myself and myself only, but then I realize that I can't live without you anymore. Just the thought of not having you by my side would be devastating. So I want to apologize for being short tempered sometimes.

Here's a video of you playing with mommy today.


You know Auntie Jess told me she chose a name for their daughter? It's Emma- short for Emmanuel. Emmanuel means "God with us". I was crying inside when she told me that. Emma needs to be ok. God needs to take care of her. God has to give her a chance at life! That is my prayer...